Talking to the FRO...

In light of a few comment I'd received over the last few weeks, some posted here, I thought I'd try to draw attention to the issue with the FRO. I received this response:

2008/9/10 @MCSS-G-DMCMB-MCSSINFO (CSS)

Thank you for your e-mail to the Ministry of Community and Social Services concerning court-ordered child support and fathers who want to be treated fairly.

I appreciate the time you have taken to write. However, the Family Responsibility Office's mandate is to enforce court-ordered child and spousal support obligations.

The issue you raise regarding fathers who want to be treated fairly by the courts with regard to child support falls under the jurisdiction of the Ministry of the Attorney General. You can obtain information on that ministry’s website at http://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/family/divorce/support/.

You can also write to:

Ministry of the Attorney General
720 Bay Street, 11th Floor
Toronto, Ontario
M5G 2K1
Tel: 416-326-2220
www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/feedback.asp

Once again, thank you for writing.

Josh Vandezande

Manager, Correspondence Unit
Ministry of Community and Social Services

Okay then... We'll be following up with the AG. It seems the FRO doesn't accept any responsibility for treating good and responsible fathers like criminals.

Free and Clear... Finally.

I am not gloating or revelling any sort of triumph today, not really, after all it's not a win when you have spent 5 years paying off an unjust debt to your ex-wife in the form of arrears.

If you've read "my story" from my web site (which is down right now and I'll need to move it someplace stable very soon), the judge saddled me with a debt for no apparent reason other than I fought my case cheaper by being more self-sufficient. You could read into it that he felt I was under-employed, but that would suggest he's out of touch with [today's] reality or fundamentally incapable of an unbiased decision, but that wouldn't be very good for a judge, so I'll suggest it was due to legal fees.

Anyway, the point of this is, I'm done. No, not done paying support, but done paying off this arrears. It's not Christmas. No, I didn't wait this year, I thought this was a nice reward for 3+ weeks of time with my kids this summer. I wonder what the next few weeks will bring?

It's a good feeling, being able to look at your savings and know that it's all yours, not on hold or accumulating for someone else's benefit.

Court Trumps Parenting but at what cost?

Add this to my pile of concerns over the intelligence of our courts and judges that preside therein: A Quebec judge trumps a father's grounding of his daughter because she disobeyed him. WTF? Seriously, How bleeding stupid is this judge to take away the powers of parenting?

Court quashes dad's grounding of 12-year-old daughter: "A father plans to appeal after a Quebec court ruled that he didn't have the right to punish his 12-year-old daughter by banning her from a school trip."

The ability to guide children, directing them from the harms of life and teaching them the right path is certainly the parent's job and when the parent is incapable of this I can see the courts or a CAS agency step in, but this is utterly ridiculous!

What becomes more damaging is that the father, who has custody was not supported in role by the courts as the child then opted to live with her mother, thereby removing her from his ability to ground her. The judge said "there was no reason for the punishment to stand, since the girl was now living with her mother, even though the father has custody." This undermines the parental right to dicipline the daughter, if the mother doesn't have the maturity to forbid the change of custody, the courts should have at least realized this child was setting the family up for future control issues.

Using your children is not cool!

It's surprisingly recent that I posted about this sort of thing, but I guess my ex-wife doesn't read my blog. I can't say I blame her, it might piss her off to see I use lessons I've learned from our experience as education towards others.

DO NOT TRY TO INFLUENCE OR MANIPULATE YOUR CHILDREN TO DISLIKE THE OTHER PARENT!

DO NOT TRY TO INFLUENCE OR MANIPULATE YOUR CHILDREN TO DISLIKE THE OTHER PARENT!

DO NOT TRY TO INFLUENCE OR MANIPULATE YOUR CHILDREN TO DISLIKE THE OTHER PARENT!

Do you understand?

I was recently told by my daughter that my ex-wife showed her some "evidence" of the breakdown of our relationship. It was a photo/graphic that I had created for a friend that expressed love for them. Love has many forms, a friendship can have a significant amount of love and expressing it, telling the friend is not a bad thing. I did just that and my ex-wife went as far as to invade my privacy by snooping my e-mail and computer to discover this image. That I have forgiven her for, and while she may never understand the context of the message (image) the idea that she showed this to her. My daughter's belief is that my ex-wife was trying to influence her opinion of me, discredit me. She is likely true and I am proud of my daughter for reacting with contempt for the effort.

Why? The marriage ended "officially" in January 1999. The "evidence" has been kept for nearly 10 years as a manner of tearing open the wound as she sees fit. I will not re-iterate the real reason I walked away, but the reality she will never accept is that it was never for another woman. It was for my own self-respect.

You may hate your spouse, your kids shouldn't

It may be easy for you to ramble on about how much of a jerk your ex is, but don't let the kids hear it. They need to love their parents and both parents need to be supportive of this.

globeandmail.com: Judge rules father brainwashed son into hating mother: "A 13-year-old Ontario boy whose domineering father systematically brainwashed him into hating his mother can be flown against his will to a U.S. facility that deprograms children who suffer from parental alienation, an Ontario Superior Court judge has ruled."

globeandmail.com: Judge bars battling parents from court

This is a very exceptional example of how parents forget that the child needs to be priority #1!

globeandmail.com: Judge bars battling parents from court: "Their legal battle has centred mainly on terms of the access and it has dragged on for seven years, involving 12 different judges, a dozen lawyers, 25 court orders, 2,000 pages of court filings, three contempt motions and one suspended sentence."

I hope the parents realize this stupidity will hurt the child, and waste so much more.

False Abuse Claims Taint Divorce Process

This article brings to light a real problem, a not-so-idle threat that can taint your decision making process and the judge's views with a potentially unrecoverable foray into the criminal justice system.

globeandmail.com: Divorce's atomic bomb: false abuse allegations: "Falsely accusing a spouse of abuse leaves many black eyes in its wake: for the accused, the justice system and especially the kids"

My own divorce, the documents delivered to me so many years ago, had the ring of this because my wife and/or her lawyer felt it appropriate to suggest that was abusive and harrassing my ex-wife and the children. Two claims that are flatly false, but included to shake me and taint the judge's view as you step into a courtroom. I can safely say I was under the duress of those accusations when I made my initial deal for access and support, not at all concerned for the split of funds I signed away more financially than I should have. My hindsite is your advantage.