Paying For A Good Cause vs. A Bad Choice

I pay child support to my ex-wife for two wonderful daughters we had the inarguable intention of creating. This is an pricey commitment, but this is a responsibility I bear with some degree of pride and honour. My daughters are a very good cause.

I do not have any interest in being a father to another child outside of a great relationship that has mutual long-term commitment from both parties. A fling resulting in a child wouldn't be fair to the child, or my own children as it would impact them financially, not in child support but in our current lifestyle. I can't do that to them, but so many men and women do.

Bad Choices are rampant in our society, as you can see on most Maury Povich shows and walking around any shopping mall judging by the frequency of unwed and under-aged Moms. My thought is "People{Women|Men} Lie". For you men reading this, understand that Women can and may lie, cheat, manipulate, and twist men around their fingers to the end of creating a child enabling them to collect child support. They cry, "poor me" and wail about how nasty the man has been, well, whichever man it was that impregnated her. She's not sure which one, there were so many that week. Yes, I'm being serious!

I tell my daughters, "Boys Lie." I tell them that boys will say and do anything to prove they love you even if they don't. No, I haven't explained this in any more detail just yet. They say, "But you're a boy." I tell them I'm their father and while I'm a boy to every woman on this planet, to them I am their father and I will never lie to them (except to protect them). I also don't believe in lying to anyone, I tell them what I think and I don't need to lie. This doesn't mean I'm innocent of never having lied before, but never to them.

I've talked to my daughters about relationships and I feel my responsibility is to prepare them for the real world. We talk about how becoming a parent early is a life changing event that can affect the outcome of career, relationships, and dreams. I don't paint relationships as a bad thing. I'm not standing over my daughters as some angel of darkness as they begin to have relationships. They know I'm a force, but I generally help them by being someone to talk to about life and their relationships, not an overbearing threat to the well-being of the boys or my daughters. Recently I introduced a new idea. "Girls Lie." and explained that manipulation of a boy is wrong. They seem to understand.

I feel that Honesty is a healthy foundation to a good relationship and from that something amazing can be built. Honesty, Trust, and Respect are the building blocks to any relationship, with anyone. A life-long partner will understand this. This is what I didn't understand when I was 24. The trouble is knowing that both parties have the same perspective.

2007 Christmas Message

Think of the children, think of them alone, do not think of what your ex has done. Think of how they need your love, and that they need to be warm and have good gloves, don't think of what you could receive, just help the little tykes believe. Give them hope and warmth and love because you are who they are thinking of. Kids need parents, both of them, don't ruin Christmas by fighting over them. Just put down those spears of vicious words and any dismiss the legal hostilities while you and they take some time to go pick out a Christmas tree. Wrap their presents with thoughts of joy, not what would win the heart of your girl or boy. There is no question of who they love more, they love you both just show them more.

It is Christmas time and it is tough for all parents, especially those who have been separated from loved ones by distance, war, and commitments of job. If you cannot find your way home, call, if you cannot call, send something for Christmas day that will reassure your children that you love them. This is not anything of incredible value, a letter, something tangible but from the heart, is all it takes. A loving note from a father or mother that is away, perhaps serving our country or simply trying to survive, is all it takes for a child to know they are loved. For the parent at home, give the child the note, read it to them and ensure they have it years later.

Merry Christmas... for the children at least.

On a lighter note...

YouTube - William Tell Overture for Moms

Fathers For Justice

http://www.f4j.com

Supporting Our Troops

Robert and Rob EQUAL parenting bike trek!

As much as my blog is called "For Fair Child Support" there's an significant part of the issue I missed when I named this thing. The biggest part of being a responsible parent is someone who is part of the child's life.

It seems to be far to frequent that a father is disregarded in the pursuit of equal standing in the role of parent. This said, it's nice to see that there are people willing to do something about it.

If you're in the Washington D.C. area on August 18th there will be a rally (www.dcrally2007.com) in support of equal but leading up to this rally there are two fathers who are going over and above to raise the awareness of this problem. On August 11th 2007 Robert Pedersen and Rob Mackenzie, supporting A Child's Right, will start their over 600 mile bicycle trek from the Lansing Capitol to Washington, D.C., riding through many states help this become a more visible issue.

I've been brief, check out the details and other links at DaddyBlogger.com

For the Americans... Title IV-D

Read this Blog and get angry (but please act responsibly).

DaddyBlogger.com/

Check this out on YouTube:


There's much to be said about this problem in Canada, but we can rest assured that we're not alone.

Single Parenting in the Military

Just wanted to draw attention to this issue. Please check out this site for a discussion.

globeandmail.com: Parents First...

globeandmail.com: A white man struggles to reclaim his children: "He always thought of himself as a doting father, a man who read bedtime stories to his two children every night before tucking them under the covers, who would delight in wrapping his arms around them in a bear hug. If not the picture-perfect father, he figured he was close enough."

An interesting read.

A Surprise from the FRO.

Apparently my note to the Minister made it through and they figured out who I was (specifically) and have assigned me a new case-worker. She even gave me her direct line (which I am not sharing, sorry).

We talked about my recommendations and we'll see if they get anywhere but there's a ray of hope.

I'll keep you posted.

A note to the Minister...

It's that time of year again. I'm awaiting the documentation from my ex-wife to file with the courts and FRO to re-calculate the child support amount. I have not notified the FRO yet, though my ex-wife has had the documentation for a few weeks. This note is a plea for change.

The following was directed at the Minister of Community and Social Services, Madeleine Meilleur, through the Ministry's web site.

With all of this effort on making NCPs pay support, something I am doing and have done well-beyond the guidelines and what is reasonable, why has the Ministry not made it easier to file information with Courts, retrieve account status information from the FRO, and provided a better on-line experience for those of use who are paying support?

Every year I am at the mercy of the FRO and the whims of my ex-wife to file documentation because a judge of questionable intelligence and bias, deemed it necessary to create a court order that is beyond logic. I have and will comply with it and I still (in spite of my experiences) support the need for Child Support. I am concerned at the manner in which the FRO does what it wants, regardless of the court order in place and find the access to a response when using efficient means to communicate troublesome. I find it offensive that I cannot get a Statement of Account without a cost. I refuse to pay those fee because it's simply wrong, though it has been proven necessary in the past because the FRO was incapable of simple accounting. Even last year their non-compliance with my court order caused confusion.

The FRO's reputation is one of problematic interference and negligent inaction, or action when they have been told not to act. They are known for being non-responsive as my 5 or so faxes for an update and offering new information over several months of last year, where I asked of confirmation of receipt were unanswered, though confirmed when I caught up with an Agent in December.

As I need to file documents annually with the courts. I would appreciate a manner that would allow me to complete this task without taking a day off work. Whether it's on-line, by fax, by mail, or a combination of both I would truly appreciate the process being streamlined so that I'm not left with a further financial impact beyond what I already (over)pay.

Yes, I threw a dig at my judge. I do pay well-beyond guidelines, and I have been ordered to by a system that pities the "Custodial Parent" I am not, in fact, non-custodial, we have joint custody, but she is the primary residence for my daughters so she gets paid. While I believe that she should get the guideline amount and my share of any reasonable expenses, The judge (if you read the web-site and my story) was so kind as to saddle me with her legal expenses, though going to court was entirely her choice as a manner of a failure to negotiate outside of the courts.

For years I have told myself it was not her, but the system that caused this pain. I will continue to tell myself that because it helps keep things cool between us. I have no choice but to lie to myself in this manner, the alternative is resentment as this feels very much like being swindled.

Deadbeat Dads on Pizza Boxes

Okay, this is getting odd.

Missing kids on milk cartons, Deadbeat Dads on pizza boxes?

Are you on the list?

Well it's here, the FRO's hot list of "Deadbeat Dads" and whether you're on it or not, the threat is just as pointed.

Have a look, if you have info, report it. Yes, I said report it. You you're paying and in good standing you have nothing to fear, but these folks are the reason for all of those threats you face.

www.goodparentspay.com

Landmark ruling on child support

CanWest News Service was very quick to report that the courts, our "system", have the right to imprison a "Deadbeat Dad" for non-compliance with a court order.



The courts found that Kenneth Dickie has shown "complete disregard" for the Canadian justice system and that his attitude and resulting actions (or inaction) has caused "disasterous consequences" for his ex-wife and three children. Rochelle Cantor, the lawyer for Mr. Dickie argued that this amounted to debtor's prison as he was unable to pay, rather than unwilling to pay.



I invite you to read the article in full to understand more of Mr. Dickie's court ordered support of his ex-wife and children and current lifestyle he fled to when ordered to pay support that he considered beyond his means.



While the father's disregard for the courts is blatent and problematic, there are also concerns for this reader that the mother and her grown children are holding him responsible for thier current financial problems. I would wonder if there was some degree of living beyond their means that might contribute to this? As support ends (normally) at age 18, they're had several years to become productive members of society.



That said, his actions are truely deplorable and while we will never knwo the fine details those of us who fear the court system have this Dickie to thank for adding to the arsenal that the FRO and other agencies can use against those who are truly broke Those who cannot pay, as opposed to will not pay, support due to circumstances have a new and very serious concern to evaluate.



It seems that the courts have chosen to err on the side of protecting women from threats with no concern for the woman's own responsibility for living in a manner appropriate to her available resources.

Ontario's FRO goes to the web!

But will it make a difference?

In today's Globe and Mail they detailed the FRO's plans to put up a site to help identify, locate, and/or embarrass the Deadbeat Dads out there.

Hmm.

I've commented on their article? How do you feel?

Prosecution of Deadbeat Dads on The Run

In today's Toronto Star there's a story about a plastic surgeon who left the country to, allegedy, evade his support obligation. His claim is that he ran out of money and could not offer the surity that the courts ordered and was jailed for contempt once he returned to Ontario to attend court.

Documentation filed with the courts suggest his has no lack of financial resources, in that he owns a Porsche, a Mercedes and a luxury house on a waterside estate.

We'll need to see where this leads and leaves those who are dead broke rather than simply deadbeats. This may be another nail in the coffins of those who are doing their best to simply stay afloat.