Paying For A Good Cause vs. A Bad Choice

I pay child support to my ex-wife for two wonderful daughters we had the inarguable intention of creating. This is an pricey commitment, but this is a responsibility I bear with some degree of pride and honour. My daughters are a very good cause.

I do not have any interest in being a father to another child outside of a great relationship that has mutual long-term commitment from both parties. A fling resulting in a child wouldn't be fair to the child, or my own children as it would impact them financially, not in child support but in our current lifestyle. I can't do that to them, but so many men and women do.

Bad Choices are rampant in our society, as you can see on most Maury Povich shows and walking around any shopping mall judging by the frequency of unwed and under-aged Moms. My thought is "People{Women|Men} Lie". For you men reading this, understand that Women can and may lie, cheat, manipulate, and twist men around their fingers to the end of creating a child enabling them to collect child support. They cry, "poor me" and wail about how nasty the man has been, well, whichever man it was that impregnated her. She's not sure which one, there were so many that week. Yes, I'm being serious!

I tell my daughters, "Boys Lie." I tell them that boys will say and do anything to prove they love you even if they don't. No, I haven't explained this in any more detail just yet. They say, "But you're a boy." I tell them I'm their father and while I'm a boy to every woman on this planet, to them I am their father and I will never lie to them (except to protect them). I also don't believe in lying to anyone, I tell them what I think and I don't need to lie. This doesn't mean I'm innocent of never having lied before, but never to them.

I've talked to my daughters about relationships and I feel my responsibility is to prepare them for the real world. We talk about how becoming a parent early is a life changing event that can affect the outcome of career, relationships, and dreams. I don't paint relationships as a bad thing. I'm not standing over my daughters as some angel of darkness as they begin to have relationships. They know I'm a force, but I generally help them by being someone to talk to about life and their relationships, not an overbearing threat to the well-being of the boys or my daughters. Recently I introduced a new idea. "Girls Lie." and explained that manipulation of a boy is wrong. They seem to understand.

I feel that Honesty is a healthy foundation to a good relationship and from that something amazing can be built. Honesty, Trust, and Respect are the building blocks to any relationship, with anyone. A life-long partner will understand this. This is what I didn't understand when I was 24. The trouble is knowing that both parties have the same perspective.

2007 Christmas Message

Think of the children, think of them alone, do not think of what your ex has done. Think of how they need your love, and that they need to be warm and have good gloves, don't think of what you could receive, just help the little tykes believe. Give them hope and warmth and love because you are who they are thinking of. Kids need parents, both of them, don't ruin Christmas by fighting over them. Just put down those spears of vicious words and any dismiss the legal hostilities while you and they take some time to go pick out a Christmas tree. Wrap their presents with thoughts of joy, not what would win the heart of your girl or boy. There is no question of who they love more, they love you both just show them more.

It is Christmas time and it is tough for all parents, especially those who have been separated from loved ones by distance, war, and commitments of job. If you cannot find your way home, call, if you cannot call, send something for Christmas day that will reassure your children that you love them. This is not anything of incredible value, a letter, something tangible but from the heart, is all it takes. A loving note from a father or mother that is away, perhaps serving our country or simply trying to survive, is all it takes for a child to know they are loved. For the parent at home, give the child the note, read it to them and ensure they have it years later.

Merry Christmas... for the children at least.