For Hire: Psychic.... I lost my job!

Now I [might] get to see how a Judge will rule.

First priority, finding a job.

Out of a Job, but will a Judge understand?

Sure, the news is chock full of economic woes, but will Ontario's Family and Superior Court judges understand that you're out of a job or even when you regain employment at half the rate? Imputed Income is a curse on those who are in the sights of the FRO and the "System" as a whole, your expected to maintain the child support payments even though you're income has dropped to the Employment Insurance maximum or your new gig's salary (or worse, hourly) is about 50% of what you're used to.

The expenses of moving to a new 1 bedroom apartment are on top of the fact that you've got a standing support payment that's more than you took home last month. You want to pay, you've been a good customer of the FRO until your job just up and vanished in late 2008, or maybe your plant has laid you off and your $26/hour is not $13/hour at the local BK. Your expenses haven't dropped and for some reason everyone wants what they've always been paid, there just isn't the money to go around. You feel trapped, squeezed, and fears of garnishment of the already perilous income you have are, weighing heavily on your mind let alone your wallet. Feeding your self is a secondary thought to how you'll feed the kids next time they're over and they're already sick of tuna sandwiches.

I am hoping the "System" we are operating under is more understanding that they have been in the past, this year, 2009 and likely into this next decade, will need a high degree of understanding and will humble many. We will be faced with mothers who still want to get paid full-pop, regardless of the father's income, we will have judges who have no risk of hard times, living their opulent lives, and we will have fathers reaching the end of their emotional ropes thinking about things they really need help to avoid. My biggest concern is losing my job, most non-custodial parents will have this fear this year. While there will be Deadbeats taking advantage of this as a reason not to pay, working under the table or whatever they do, there will be a good number of you who will feel so afraid and ashamed that you cannot support your kids and yourself that you will need to find solace in knowing you are not alone and this is not your fault. Never give up, but above all, tell your kids how things are, not to scare them, be honest that times are tough and that money is tight, they will understand and will adjust to tuna sandwiches, just keep loving them.

Am I helping/helpful?

I have come to wonder whether this blog is actually a help to people. The problems found in any and all of the various enforcement systems come down to two things, people having children that they aren't willing to pay support for and people who are parents that need support. The complications come in the post-moment realizations that children are a cost, but are totally worth it.

There are some that walk away from all responsibility, there are some that want to be involved that are shut out. There are seemingly few (but in reality this is the majority) that are payors or payees that are just fine, but the squeaky wheel gets the attention. This by the way is a completely justified squeak!

What we KNOW is that:
- parents should have a 50/50 access arrangement where possible.
- children should NOT be used as pawns or viewed as property
- moving great distances from the child(ren)'s non-custodial partner is not cool
- the current economic climate is going to lead to many people being unable to pay support
- every effort should be made to ensure both parents are involved
- where a parent walks away, the other parent does not need to PUSH the relationship
- where a parent walks away, they should NEVER walk away from support obligations
- Child Support is NOT about the mother and her needs, but the children and theirs*

I have put this effort in to be helpful, help people endure if not resolve the impact of the system. I don't know that I've helped, but I do know we need to be there for our kids. I'm not a fan of women using what people so crassly refer to as winning the baby lottery, but the men in those situations need to teach their kids that these women are a real problem and maybe education will resolve this issue.

Maury Povitch does whatever he does with the same intentions. The risks involved from unprotected sex are not only diseases, but a lifetime commitment to being a parent. I told my daughters one basic truth, "Boys Lie." I have also talke to them about the teenaged Moms we see at the mall and how that changes their life, how dreams and aspirations to be something more than just a drain on society can be lost when you make the choice to be a parent. Everyone makes that choice when they decide to have sex. That is the moment, if you don't want that, don't have sex.

* The judges should really start thinking about this harder.