"Lisa" writes:
Ya know Lisa, this bugs me.Seems to be a lot of talk about undue hardship and the guy getting screwed well how about this one:
My ex moves 5 hours away from our home only to say a year later that he does not want to be married anymore. I had left my good paying job (commissioned sales so you can imagine how long it takes to make a good life and build a client base) my family my home and friends. So I moved back with his blessing. We had the house reviewed and came up with a fair amount to give me and Off I went with the kids. Along with a promise to get 800/month and ½ a daycare costs (only after school as I made arrangements to start later to avoid costs in the am) He drives for about 4 months alternate weekends to see the kids. He then says I need to drive 50% of the way and I agree to 25% there and 50% on the return. He says ok then a few months later he says nope 50% or I will cut your child support! This is after he already stopped paying his ½ of a sitter which was 60/month. I could see where this was going and he became abusive to the point that we were referred to family counseling thru the police. In hind sight that must have been when he discovered his girlfriend was pregnant!
So it was time to get a lawyer and try to get things sorted out! After way too much money and time we have a court order for 1300 per month and he can have access when he wants (which is never) and must take them for 4 weeks in the summer and pay their costs. Well he wants only one and wont pay for the others camp costs! I have already taken my 4 weeks off and have no more time left to take vacations so had to place children in camp since they were 11 and 7. My ex said that they 11 year old could stay home!!!! At any rate he now has two children with his new spouse (not married) and all in a span of three years! Fast worker and now he got fired! They live in a very nice home that’s in her name drive a Yukon and a Mercedes she owns a business and says she only make 58! BS and he is studying to be a real estate agent. He was given 8 months severance and 8 weeks paid vacation-His ROE says he was dismissed. His plan is collect EI while he finishes studying and has asked me to take 350 per month for three months and then 700 after that! I said no and I would agree to 800 periods and then once he is making more money he can pay more! Which we know wont happen unless I go back to court. I am making a good salary but don’t have a live in partner have a small town house with a big mortgage (legal bills) and no help with extraordinary expenses. My ex insisted my son be in martial arts to help with his attitude which I do at 70 per months as a condition of seeing his son! That was a almost 2 years again and he still has not bothered to see him! My kids are heart broken…anyway I would like to know if you can help answer some questions. How successful would he be at claiming hardship and or getting his payments reduced?
Aside from the court order, which - when the right paperwork is filed with the FRO and what will become monthly arrears and payable at some point regardless of his income and employment situation - is fair based on his prior income. Before he pays less, he must either seek agreement from you and file the appropriate forms with the courts. If you do not agree he must go to court and file an Application to Vary for Child Support. This is costly (lawyers are not required but are a good idea) and may not be any more effective than the two of you coming to an agreement. The agreement might call for a yearly review (which is smart) and while his track record is such that he may not be consistent in support, once the FRO is involved, their powers of persuasion become very difficult to ignore.
Now, I dislike the FRO. I've been through their ringer and have come out the other side with a good game plan, "STAY PAID UP!"
I do not expect he would need to claim hardship, rather he will need to prove he is unemployable and unable to find work. This is difficult to prove, the judge may accommodate some temporary leniency, but you're better off to get this started with the FRO ASAP (perhaps even suggesting such and sending him to the FRO website on how they handle things before you do). His biggest concern will be IMPUTED INCOME, this is where the judge deems his earning are below what is reasonable for his skills and tells him he will impute his income, regardless of his actual income at a higher level. This is normal where the judge feels the payor is under-employed (not trying to work or working at something for less than is reasonable for his skills.
Keep the children out of it. Do not make your son's hobbys conditional, though I understand your motivation. Your boy's heartache is your first concern and ensuring he feels wanted and that while this is a poor decision on your ex's part, that the doors stay open.
I'm not a judge, nor am I a lawyer. I do know what the system is capable of, and the problems it causes (on both sides). You are best to seek mediation, agreement without the court's direction. I would suggest that it's better not to involve the FRO, but at some point your will have no choice. A friend of mine north of Toronto is a lawyer working at mediation of these sort of arrangements. They tell me it's better for the kids and likely better for you. Check your yellow pages and try to keep things peaceful.
I hope this helps.
